(Written Jan 2023) As many of you know, I currently live a very isolated life.
I am 300 miles away from my boyfriend in a stunning rural setting, don’t have a car, and often go days without seeing another human being.
I don’t watch the news or engage in external affairs. I don’t have close friendships or social events.
I live, in essence, in solitude. By choice.
As I’ve watched this experience evolve, I’ve observed myself become increasingly emotional. Sensitive to the smallest things with a newly discovered ability to cry quite literally over spilt milk.
My first thought was -isolation breeds isolation. The more time I spend shut away from the world, the further I want to go in. Surely this isn’t good for me?
And then, I noticed something. These explosions of sensitivity and intense emotion would vanish by the next morning. I could literally sleep them off. I have never, in my whole life on this earth, found it quite so easy to wash away heavy feelings.
I’m a clinger. I’m used to gripping onto sadness and sucking the blood out of it until it’s dry. I’m used to wallowing in it’s muddy pits of despair. I was kind of addicted to that.
Yet in this chapter – where the only changeable thing I have to observe is myself- where I literally journal and study all my thoughts and feelings hour by hour – …I think it’s bringing me peace?